Rape is never your fault

What you need to know about sexual assault and rape...  the most frequently asked questions answered.

            What is rape?

            What are the myths about rape?

            Who is the rapist?

            Who is raped?

            Where do sexual assaults occur?

            What does the rape survivor need?

            What are the effects of rape?

            What to do if you have been raped

            What can family and friends can do

            Where can I get help?

What is Rape?

•           Rape is intentional, unlawful, sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent.

•           Date Rape or acquaintance rape takes place when both the rapist and victim know each other. they may  be dating or neighbours, friends, work colleagues, or acquaintances.

•           Attempted Rape occurs when a man shows clear intent to rape a woman, but the act of rape doesn’t actually happen, for whatever reason.

•           Sexual Offense or statutory rape occurs when an adult has sex with a female under the age of 16,  and a male uder the age of 18.

•           Incest or family rape occurs when family members have sexual intercourse.

•           Indecent assault occurs when a man uses a foreign object such as a bottle or a knife to penetrate a woman’s mouth, anus or vagina.

•           Gang Rape occurs when a woman is raped by two or more men.

•           Marital Rape occurs when a wife refuses to have sex with her husband and he forces himself on to her. he can be prosecuted for rape.

What are the myths about rape?

There are countless myths, or untruths, about  rape and sexual assault. Here are a few of them:

Myth:  Rape is a crime of passion and lust.

Fact:     Rape is a crime of violence and aggression. Rapists feel a sense of power by dominating their victims.

Myth:  Rape is an act of impulse.

Fact:     Evidence on rapists suggests that most rapes are premeditated and planned.

Fact:     Regardless of what a woman says, does or wears, she does not cause the sexual assault, or ask to be raped. Many convicted rapists do not even remember what the woman was wearing.

Myth:  Rape is not that serious for the survivor.

Fact:     Rape has a devastating effect on the survivor. Most survivors will suffer from Rape Trauma  Syndrome and will require counselling and support.

Myth:   Rape is only committed by strangers.

Fact:     Many rape survivors know their attackers.

Myth:   If a weapon is not used then it is not rape since a woman can fight back.

Fact:     The woman may not be able to fight back due to being threatened and immobilised by fear. In the case of date rape or incest, the rapist uses the survivor’s trust as a weapon.

Myth:   A husband cannot rape his wife, it is her duty to have sex with her husband, even if she                         does not want to.

Fact:     Any sexual act forced against another person is sexual assault or rape. The Prevention of Family                        Violence Act 133 of 1993, and the domestic violence Act 116 of 1998 recognise marital rape as a crime.

In most cases the rapist could be anyone the rape survivor knows - a  date, a friend, a family member, a relative, a co-worker, or a casual acquaintance.

Who is raped?

•           The most vulnerable target is a solitary woman, especially at night, or if she is impaired by drugs, alcohol or a medical condition.

Where do sexual assaults occur?

Sexual assaults can occur anywhere, but the largest single grouping of reported incidents is in the home of the victim or assailant. However, it is important to be aware of all potentially hazardous areas including: remote areas, parking garages, public parks, schools, technikons, university campuses, and the workplace.

What can you do to prevent rape?

These precautions are suggestions for minimising your chances of being sexually assaulted. By reducing the opportunity for crime in your home, car and on the street, you reduce the risk of being attacked. Sexual assaults can occur in conjunction with other crimes such as burglaries. The more effective the preventative measures and common sense precautions you take, the lower your chance of becoming a victim of any crime.

In your home:

•           Make sure all locks are secure on extension doors.

•           Have the locks on all exterior doors re-keyed when you move into a new house or flat, or when room-mates or others with access to your home are no longer welcome.

•           Install a peephole viewer in the front door and get into the habit of checking it BEFORE you open the door... EVERYTIME.

•           Good lighting is a deterrent to crime. Install good exterior lighting at all entrances.

•           Don’t open your door to strangers.

•           Never let anyone into your house to use the phone, even for an emergency. Offer to make the call for them.

•           Request identification from all repairmen and maintenance people. You can even request identi-fication from those claiming to be police officers.

•           Don’t advertise that you are home alone. Keep a light on in more than one room to make it appear that you may not be alone. Remember, most rapists and burglars are opportunists.

In your car:

•           Park in well lit areas and always lock your car, whether you are driving or sitting in a parked car.

•           If working late, try to go to your car in the company of a friend or security guard. If this is not possible, try to move your vehicle close to the office before sunset.

•           Get in the habit of looking inside your car (check the back seat) before you get into the vehicle.

•           If you have car trouble, raise your bonnet and put on your emergency lights. Wait for help inside the car with the doors locked.

•           If you’re thinking about stopping to help some-one else on the side of the road, rather go to the nearest phone and call the police to assist them.

On the street:

•           Always be alert. If you’re harassed by someone - always head towards lights or people.

•           If you think you are being followed, DO NOT GO HOME. Head for a well lit area, a crowded area or your nearest police station.

•           Don’t hitchhike.

General precautions:

•           When you mean ”NO”, be sure that not only your voice, but your body language (non-verbal actions or posture) is saying ”NO”.

•           It is particularly important to be with people whom you know and can trust if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

•           If you use laundromats or other high risk areas, plan to go with a neighbour or friend.

•           Take special precautions when travelling, as tourists are generally more relaxed about their safety.

What does the rape survivor need?

After a rape, survivors may be openly upset, even hysterical, or they may be numb and seemingly calm.

The survivor needs to:

1.         Obtain medical assistance. 

2.         Be believed. With date rape especially, survivors  need to be believed that what occurred was a rape.

3.         Know it was not her fault.  It is not uncommon for rape survivors to feel guilty, and feel the attack was somehow their fault. It is important that she accepts that it was not her fault.

4.         Take control of her life. After a woman is raped, she may lack confidence and self-belief. A significant step on the road to recovery is to regain a sense of control in her life.

What are the effects of rape?

Rape survivors go through 3 definable stages of rape trauma syndrome: trauma, denial and resolution.

Trauma:

Fear of being alone. This may be especially acute shortly after the rape but could also continue for a long while afterwards.

Fear of men. A woman may be fearful and angry at all men. Counselling can be especially helpful in preventing this from becoming a long-lasting problem. Victims of date rape, especially, are left doubting their choice of partners and wonder-ing how they can ever again date safely.

Sexual problems. For some people, these may continue for a long time since the sexual act now has been associated with strong negative feelings. Again, counselling can often be helpful.

Depression.  This can sometimes come and go over a long period of time. Usually, the more a survivor can talk about her situation, the easier it is for her to deal with her depression.

Afraid to trust. This may only surface long after the rape has occurred, when the survivor begins to date once more, and she fears it might happen again.

Concern over reactions from family and friends. If the survivor expects negative reactions, it’s not always necessary to tell all friends and family, yet they may be more supportive than anticipated.

Physical problems. These include venereal disease, as well as physical symptoms of stress, such as

stomach-aches, head-aches, back problems, inability to sleep, diminished or increased appetite.

Feelings of anger, helplessness, guilt, pain, embarrassment or anxiety. These are all typical reactions and generally disappear over time.

Denial:

Resolution:

Dealing with doubts and fears. The most effective way to work through these feelings is to talk to someone; a friend, your doctor, or counsellor.

Regaining a sense of control over life. This will usually only begin to happen after a survivor starts to deal with her doubts and fears. Only then will she begin to put the experience behind her and be empowered to once again have a normal life.

What to do if you’ve been raped

Do not blame yourself.  The woman may feel it is her fault for not having said ”no” more clearly, or for having trusted the man in the first place. You are not to blame – the rapist is to blame. Even if your body responded physiologically to the rapist, it does not mean you enjoyed the experience. If you believe you were naive, or even foolish, it’s still not your fault.

Get medical attention.  Do not shower or clean yourself. Go to a hospital as soon as possible to be examined and treated. If you decide to press charges, the physical specimens collected soon after the rape will be valuable evidence. You may also have internal injuries which you are unaware of. If you notice any vaginal discharge, itching, ulcers, sores or swelling around your vagina, consult your doctor immediately. as most rapes occur without the protection of a condom, it is vital to get tested for HIV/AIDS. When being examined by the doctor obtain a prescription for anti-retroviral drugs to help fight against possible HIV infection.

Report the attack to police whether or not you plan to file charges. Reporting a rape does not commit you to filing charges. You can make that decision later. Have someone go with you. You can go the next day, but the sooner the better. Rarely do rapists attack one woman only; if they are not reported they may continue to attack other women. If you report the rape, you could break the pattern and save someone else from being assaulted.

Decide whether to file charges with the police. If you do decide to press charges, the chances of conviction with rapes are relatively low, although police, judges, and courts are increasingly more sympathetic than in the past.

Get help and support such as counselling. At the very least, call a rape or crisis helpline. Your school counselling centre, student medical centre, or local sexual assault centre will be of help. You have been through a trauma and need to deal with the situation and with your feelings.

What can friends and family do to help?

Offer shelter. If it is at all possible, stay with her at her home, or let her, at least, spend one night at your home. This is not the time for her to be alone.Be available. She may need to talk at odd hours, or a great deal at the beginning. She may not have many people she can talk to and she may rely too much on one person.Give comfort. She has been badly treated. She needs to be nurtured and to feel cared for.

Let her know she is not to blame. This is crucial. Many rape survivors blame themselves. She needs to be reassured that the rapist is to blame, she is not.

Be patient and understanding. Everyone has their own timetable for recovering from a rape.

Encourage action. For example, suggest that she calls a helpline, go to a hospital or medical centre, and to call the police. Respect her decision if she decides not to file charges.

Do not be overly protective. encourage her to make her own decisions. She needs to feel in control of her life and this will not be possible if you do everything for her.

Where can i get help help?

The following organisations can help you or someone you know who has survived a sexual assault.

National Toll-Free Helpline:  0800 150150

Child-Line Toll-Free:  0800 055555